So, I Haven’t Talked About This Since It Happened, Except To The People That Were Kind Enough To Text Me && Ask Me About It That Day. But Yeahh, I Felt That I Need To Get It Out So I Can Have Closure With Myself About This Whole Situation.

So On Wednesday, I Was Talking To My Best Friend, Sean && Then Somewhere During The Conversation He Was Like “I Saw Something” -.- I Was Like “What Did You See.??” && He Was Like “I Saw Jose” (Jose Is The Name Of The Guy I’ve Had A Crush On For The Last 17 Months, I’m Sure Most Of You Might Know Him, He’s A Senior At KHS) && I Was Like “Okayy.??” && Then He Said He Saw Him Holding Hands With This Girl. I Didn’t Want To Believe Him, So I Kept Telling Him He Was Lying, So Then I Asked Him How The Girl Looked && He Said She Had Blond Hair, I Instantly Called Him A Liar Because Just The Week Before I Told Him About A Dream I Had, Had With Jose In It && He Had A Girl Friend That Was Blond, So I Was Like He’s Lying, He Just Wants To See What I’ll Say. But He Kept Saying It Was True && That He Would Never Lie To Me About Something Like That. So Then I Decided To Ask One Of Jose’s Best Friends, Nicole, But I Just Started The Conversation Off Normal, But She Never Replied Until Everything Was Exposed -.-t Aha’ So Then Out Of Nowhere I Found Myself On Jose’s Facebook Page && I Saw It…His Relationship Status Had Changed From Single To In A Relationship /: My Heart Broke Into Millions Of Pieces. I Didn’t Think It’d Hurt So Bad. When Sean Told Me, I Was Just Like Whatevers About It, But When I Saw It, I Completely Broke Down. :’( I Had Seen A Few Conversations With Them Few Weeks Before, But I Never Thought It Was Serious, He Had Done the Same With Other Girls, But His Conversations Were Just Friendly, No Flirting OR Anything Like That. Then I Thought It Was An April Fools Joke Because Their Date Is 04/01/12, But If It Was An April Fools Joke, It Should Have Ended By Now, So I Knew It Was Serious. I Just Didn’t && I Still Don’t Understand How This Happened. He’s So Shy, Well Most Of The Times, Or At Least With Me. We Always Had Those VERY Awkward Yet Cute Conversations. I Don’t Know, I Guess I Thought There Was Something There, You Know.?? I Guess Only The People That Know How Our Relationship Was Can Understand What I’m Trying To Say. But I Understand Myself, So That’s All That Matters. One Thing That Pissed Me Off Even More Was The Fact The His Girlfriend && I Have The Same Birthday t(-_-t) Ughhh, Shoot Me Please. Even Though I Haven’t Cried Since That Day, I Still Think About It All the Time. My Best Friend, Marlyn, Told Me That She Had Seen Them Together, But That The Chick Wasn’t All That, && Even Though It Should Have Made Me Feel Better, It Didn’t >.< Everyone Was Trying To Make Me Feel Better, But I Mean, In Their Eyes I Could Be A Millions Times Better, But In HIS Eyes, It’s The Other Way Around. Even Sean Was Trying To Say He’s Not Worth It. >.< He Said All He’s Good For Is Math :P But I Love Sean, He Always Finds A Way To Make Me Smile Even When I’m Upset /: && My Cousin, Like Everyone Else, Told Me He Wasn’t Worth Crying For && Blah Blah blah, The Usual.

But I’m Determined To Move On One Way Or Another, I Mean, He’s Graduating This Year So It’s Not Like I’ll See Him Again Anyways. I Hope He’s Happy Though. There’s So Much More I Can Add To All This, But I Just Can’t Find The Words Or Way To Put It In. There’s Just So Much Detail In The Little Things We Both Did During The Time We Were Together, As In School Times :P

One Thing I Know For Sure Is That, I Wish I Had NEVER Had That Dream About Him 17 Months Ago. That Dream Was What Started Everything. Weird I Know, But It’s True, I Started Liking Him Over A Damn Dream. Haa Maybe My Next Post Will Be About That Dream ^__^

I Mean, It Was Nice While It Lasted, But I Wish It Could Of Been Something More. && To Think I Was So Close To Telling Him I Liked Him x) Good Thing I Didn’t, I Would Of Made Such A Fool Of Myself. But Things Happen For A Reason Right.??

If You Guys Know Who He Is, Well I Just Hope You All Keep Your Mouths Shut x) Only A Few People Know About Him, But Now That It’s Over, It Doesn’t Matter, Just As Long As He Doesn’t Find Out >.< I Can’t Even Believe I Actually Wrote About It, But I Had To Let It Out :)

Who Would Have Ever Guessed That A Crush Could Hurt So Much.?? I Sure Didn’t -.- I’m So Not Ready For A Relationship Heartbreak xD

“But The Of Course Everything Always Happens For A Reason; I Guess It Was Never Meant To Be, But It’s Just Something We Have No Control Over && That’s What Destiny Is. Maybe One Day We’ll Wake Up && This Will All Just Be A Dream.♥”

(Source: welcometosunshinesworld)